a mixed bag of emotion…
It is hard to put it into words my feelings at present. The holiday’s seem to always bring out the best and the worst in me. Hence the mixed bag of emotion.
If holiday’s are family, then family is where the heart is. What does one do when the family grows smaller? Parents and grandparents have passed away. In my case all but one. Sibling are busy with their own immediate family. Then there are the assorted aunts, uncles and cousins scattered all over the countryside, but haven’t had that much to say to each other in some time. To complete my dark portrait of what should be a bright and shiny holiday, the choice of the single life and no children are adding to the mixed bag.
Don’t get me wrong there are advantages to being single and I totally enjoy my quiet time. But the holidays seem to drag out those fond memories of Christmas gone by. The irony is you don’t truly miss it till it’s gone. I’m thinking the key is creating all new memories.
I actually feel lighter acknowledging my true feelings instead of ignoring it or denying it and compounding it some ridiculous positive affirmation too unbelievable to be true. I’m beginning to think it takes more than just a few well chosen words. But let those words be a call to action.
To be perfectly honest there don’t appear to be any clear cut solutions. No do this one little thing and it will all be better. A process one step at a time till I feel like I am back on track. I mean after all it has taken me a life to get here. So we shall see what I have learned and what I will do with it.
I work in a healthcare facility. The majority of the residence are elderly. And sadly there is a large percentage that don’t have any family they never come to see them.. Man it just tears me up. It is not at all what I expected the latter days to be like.nick